Cautionary Tales for Adolescents: Theresa, whose life was sweet, till she became obsessed by feet.
Theresa was a Vicar’s Daughter,
Who only did what Daughter’s oughta.
For she knew it was important,
Not to do what Daughter’s oughtn’t.
Till one day, not quite 16,
She bought a Fashion Magazine,
And asked for a gift, from Bromley and Beales:
Leopard Skin Slingbacks, with 5 inch Heels!
Her Father, whose Watchword was Austerity,
Replied to his Daughter with Utmost Severity:
‘A well bred Daughter should never appeal,
For Leopard Skin Slingbacks, with 5 inch Heels!’
But beyond that Vicarage Garden neat,
Had grown a Field of Golden Wheat.
Her Parents snoozing with the Telly on,
Theresa decided upon a Rebellion.
The sign said she’d be Prosecuted,
But over the Garden Wall she scooted,
Kicked off her Old Shoes and ran like a Faun,
Cutting a swath through Golden Corn!
But Oh Lor’ and Heavens Above!
She’d never heard of the Summer of Love.
And alas, whom did she see,
But that Diane and Jeremy!
Those Oiks who lived on the Estate!
She shut her Eyes, but much too late!
She saw them playing Doctors and Nurses,
Then ran away from Diane’s curses!
She muttered, ‘Oh Gosh!’…and ‘Crikey!’
They’d quite disturbed her Inner Psyche.
Her Teenage Brain had turned chaotic,
Her Smiles and Snarls became Robotic!
The Doctor said, ‘It’s plain to see,
You’re getting Flashbacks of Jeremy!’
Say after me, ‘I’m strong and stable.’
She tried as best as she was able.
But she couldn’t pull it off,
For now she had a ‘Nervous Cough’.
And caused her Parents Great Alarm
By falling back into their arms!
They said, ‘How can we help, darling Daughter?’
Theresa Gasped…between sips of Water…
‘Buy for my Birthday…from Bromley and Beales…
Leopard Skin Slingbacks…with 5 inch Heels!