Cautionary Tales for Adolescents

Damien, who mocked his Elders, but…

That’s why he ended up in t’ Cut!


Damien had one Great Defect,

He Showed his Elders No Respect.

At Secondary School, it’s Sad to mention

How often he wor on Detention.

He hoped to get more Friends, Alas,

By being t’ Biggest Clown in t’ Class.

That Whoopy Cushion on a Chair,

On Speech Day? Damien put it there.

For Damien thought it wor Smart

To Cause our Lady Mayor to FART!


But imagine a POET, most August,

(I’ll be your Model, if you Must),

Strolling along, in His Own Time…

Antennae tuned in to t’ Sublime…

Sucking on a Haliborange,

Whilst trying to find a Rhyme for Orange…

Enjoying that Scene he Loved So Well:

T’ towpath on t’ Rochdale Canal…

When Out of Nowhere! You Know Who:

Damien Leapt out Shouting ‘WHOOOH!’

He hoped he’d make his Friends all Laugh,

Poppy, Gaz and Gorgeous Kath,

Because he thought this Frightful Din,

Would make our Bard Jump out o’ t’ Skin!

But he discovered, to his Distress,

Our Poet wor once in t’ S.A.S.!

And Damien’s Plight wor quite Precarious

T’ Poet wor Tuned like a Stradivarius.

He’d been a Soldier and then a Spy,

And that is the reason why,

Although he wor Four Decades Older,

He THREW young Damien over t’ Shoulder!

An’ Somersaulting through t’ Air he Fell,

Wit’ Giant SPLASH! into t’ Canal.

And after a few moments pause…

Our Poet’s ears Filled with Applause!

For Damien’s Mates, as Youngsters can,

Felt Great Respect for that Old Man.

Who Smiled at them and Blew a Kiss,

Then Wondered Off in t’ State of Bliss…

Could this be True? Who wor this Fella?

Why, it wor me, your Storyteller!

So Remember Damien, I think you’d better:

A little Wiser, but so much Wetter.


[Note. This was inspired by an incident on the towpath in Hebden Bridge. I was strolling along quite contentedly. The four people were actually in their 20s, so I hadn’t expected a juvenile prank, nor one guy to treat me as a disposable butt for his humour. It’s one time when the feeling that old people don’t count came home to me. …The rest of the tale is also true.]








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