Cautionary Tales for Adolescents: Michael

Michael, who always made a mess,

But now his Family are one Less!


Michael, like some other Boys,

Never tidied up His Toys!

And Outdoors, when Eating Sweets,

Threw their wrappers down in t’ Streets!


He grew to be an Uncouth Youth –

His Sweetheart Vickie wor Far More Couth.

But on a Country Walk, her Poodle

Made a Pile of Doggy Doo Doo…


Wit’ Special Glove on, Swift and Deft,

She Scooped it Up till Non wor Left.

But in a Test of Michael’s Love,

She Handed Him that Dog Poo Glove!


Now, some way off there wor a Bin

For putting Doggy Poo Bags in,

But Michael had hoped for a Canoodle,

Not a Parcel of Poo, Pood by a Poodle!


And so he reached up, Brazenly,

And Hung that Poo Bag FROM A TREE!

Well, this wor Seen by Farmer Kath,

Who muttered, ‘That Michael’s Having a Laugh!’


And on Patrols, it wor Kath’s Habit,

To take a Gun to Shoot at Rabbits.

She didn’t want young Michael Dead –

But FIRED A SHOT above his Head!


Then back Down t’ Hill ran Little Lulu –

And Vickie raced to Catch her Poodle.

But Michael ran and leapt in t’ Bin,

Where Good Folks put their Poo Bags In.


But by a Strange Coincidence –

T’ Odds on which wor Quite Immense –

Bin Men drove up, Young and Strong,

And Did Not Hang About for Long!


They’d been Parked Up, Reading t’ Sun,

And thought Kath Fired at Them wit’ Gun!

They ran wit’ Poo Bin Double-Smart,

And tipped its Contents in their Cart.


Then they Drove Off, past Dog and Vickie.

Who Shouted, ‘STOP! You’re Taking Micky!’

In t’ back o t’ Dust Cart, Michael stirred…

And Muttered t’ English word for Merde!


But in that Dust Cart, HIGH SPEC KIT

Chewed up Michael…BIT by BIT!

And at a Landfill, where they Recycle,

DUMPED: 3 Parts Poo to 2 Parts Michael!


Michael’s Parents said, ‘We’re One Child Fewer,

But at least he’ll make a Good Manure!’







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